Thursday 23 February 2012

yadda - yadda - yadda - the end.

No, no...it is not REALLY the end of the blog.

I am sure you are all as sick of hearing about horse shopping as I was of actually horse shopping, and as I am of writing about it here now.  So it is the end of that.

But before we move on...

I know that half of you are saying:

- "I can't believe she actually bought the funky cross - what a loser"

While the other half are saying:

- "I can't believe she actually bought the funky cross - what fun"

And 100% of you are probably wondering by now, if you were to meet me in real life and watched me riding around the arena - would you laugh and point, just point and back away slowly in horror, observe quietly then mock me on UDBB, perhaps choose to ride your own horse at a later time so as to avoid death by collision...

Or maybe...does Dressage Curmudgeon weigh 400lbs, are her half passes actually leg yeilds, does she really bounce alarmingly during extended trot, do the funky bobbing chicken thing during her changes, and lack the ability to count to 4, 4x in a row?

There are so many possibilities, so many things you are probably pondering... and on closer inspection, they all boil down to one thing...

You are asking yourself  "am I going to waste my time reading the training journal of someone who actually - really - sucks". 

And I am here today to help you to decide whether or not you want to blow your lunchhour with me, rather than hearing muffin recipe secrets of the woman in the cubicle next door, or whatever the hot topics may be in your office during breaks.

(I am hearing about why she chooses to eat kraft dinner for lunch right now...innnteresting.  Now - she is discussing belly dancing...oh, there is a visual I could live without). 

To accomplish this... I will also share with you THE END of the story, big picture.  As in... how Ms. V turned out.

(Oh, now she is on about the movie "Alive" for some strange reason - you remember, the one where the plane crashed, and the soccer players ate each other.  NO, no NO... they didn't eat each other in a sexy way, seriously, you are a sicko.  They probably all shit their pants when the plane was crashing, I know I would - so that is the last thing you would want to do to any of them...)

Anyway... to help with your decision...I bring you... a video.  Of Ms. V and me - the one and only video I will ever post.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6lVREQxr6k

I think it is only fair since so many of you have committed serious time and effort to following my somewhat lucid ramblings - there have been close to 65,000 visitors to the blog even though it is about dressage AND is completely free of porn - who would have thought it possible?

In return, I ask only three things:

1.  That the first person who feels the overwhelming need to comment on my lack of a helmet - takes my heartfelt invitation to fuck right off. Go discuss muffins and kraft dinner.

(In fact I do always wear a helmet, but the coach at the time insisted that in a sales video, lack of a helmet shows that you are not afraid of dying if your ride without one.  Apparently a "selling point").

2.  That as time goes by and I post tales of my trials and tribulations working with my 4 year old / 5 year old / 6 year old... every time someone who has not clued in to the fact that this HAS ALREADY HAPPENED suggests that I sell my horse, try a new saddle, consult horse communicator, drink vodka, have her teeth checked, smoke weed, take up Rumoli - whatever... that it will be the responsibility of you, my dear readers,  to point them to this video.

I can't be on here 24/7 explaining the meaning of "retrospecive".  And I am not climbing aboard the way-back machine to try any of these innovative solutions.  So thanks, but no thanks.

(In fact, I am thinking of designing a t-shirt or badge that I can send out as a prize to the first one who says "WATCH THE VIDEO, ASSHOLE" to the offending parties). 

(No, no no..the t-shirt itself would not say WATCH THE VIDEO, ASSHOLE.  Although it does have a catchy ring to it.  It would say something pithy about being a dressage curmudgeon.  )


 I am telling you, if we just go back in time to 2006 and whack her in the head with a parelli stick thingy, all your problems will be solved!
Thirdly - if you feel the need to critique - knock yourself out. I am not afraid to take my turn. As the quote goes.."There is nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?" 

Of course there isn't.  Otherwise... none of us would be here reading, would we?

39 comments:

  1. Love your blog and thanks for sharing the video. It's fun to read about your dressage experiences and I appreciate that you don't hold back with so-called colorful language. Hey, you, me and Adele are just sayin' like it is!

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  2. I admit, I was super curious to see what your horse turned out like, she's really gorgeous! Looks like after all that touring around checking out horses you ended up with the right one. Looking forward to your posts on training & bringing her along, I've got a 4yo greenie right now so I'm sure I can relate!

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  3. Honestly I couldn't care less if you were a good or bad rider, your blog cracks me up every time I read it. That's good enough for me! Doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to reading how the training went...

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  4. Love your blog, you should be really proud of yourself and your horse! She's adorable. And you write such amusing things :-).

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  5. Is your posture always so perfect? Wow, I'm impressed! And honestly, you took a horse from unbroken to PSG... yes, you could have been blowing smoke up our respective backsides but that wouldn't have fit with what shows of your personality in your writing. I'm unsurprised to see her going so nicely. :) Thanks for sharing!

    As someone new to dressage with background in other disciplines riding a non-traditional breed horse who happens to be built properly to help him find things easier, but with his own weaknesses, I look forward to the training stories. I have already found your perspective helpful for how I look at things, and look forward to reading about things you've found during training! (Translation: I have seen enough in other disciplines to be a skeptic in all disciplines, but still am a nerd and read all I can find that may have helpful moments for me.)

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  6. Hey it's fun blog, you are a cool person with a sense of humour that appeals to me (not praising either one of us to the skies with this btw) and it's nice to see dressage people don't all have pickles up our nether regions and can laugh. Look forward to all the steps along the way.

    And the video was lovely.
    Jane

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  7. I LOVE your jacket! Your horse is cute and looks nice (also, you must be tiny, because she looks tall!). I can see the saddlebred in her, but I don't mind it. :)
    It's not really the end though, if you don't tell us why you've stopped riding her. Although- I guess I can sort of infer it from the tone of the blog. I'm enjoying your story though- thanks for writing. :)

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    1. As much as I like to think that I am a petite china doll of a person, she actually matured to a pretty solid 16hh.

      I could probably take you down in hand to hand combat. Oh wait - you are the martial arts person, aren't you! Uhh...Forget that then...

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    2. It's been a long time since I trained, and considering I don't think I can do a chin-up, you might be able to. :D But I think I can still remember how to dislocate a joint or two, if you're up for that. :)

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  8. MY, what a lovely, lovely horse and what a terrific seat and leg you have! I see more active legs on people competing in the Olympics (a pet peeve, I think it so distracting). Clearly your horse-picking eye was excellent, and your training, too because all I see is a well-muscled, elegant, light and forward mare with a tail carriage that indicates there's "something" in her background besides WB. Well-done, you. Although I am *not* a dressage rider, I am LOVING this blog and your hilarious ramblings, so please keep going!

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  9. Welp Even if you couldn't ride I think I and a few other people would probably still read because your writing is so entertaining! That being said, Ms. V is beautiful and I look forward to learning more about her and your adventures - I'm entering adult am. training level this summer in S. Ont. and I think I can learn a few things from you :)

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  10. Well, as someone who has also trained a horse from TL to PSG and is currently feeling sick of the whole business, I am personally waiting to find out exactly what made you give it all up. Nasty judges...incredible expense...competing with beginners on confirmed Grand Prix horses who beat you? All of this and more perhaps?

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  11. Thanks guys for your nice comments.

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  12. I must admit, my first thought was 'she doesn't have a helmet on...' Guilty as charged. However, I know lots of people who ride without helmets, my coach included, & my own personal opinion/philosophy is that its your head, so who am I to tell you what to do with it.
    Either way, a lovely end product & I can't wait to hear the story of how you got there.

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  13. Nice comments? I must be late LOL!!!!! That mare is definately in need of some serious Klassical training ;) Loved the pony, and you are a fantastic rider! Cant wait to read about all of the training :)

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  14. She's absolutely gorgeous, DC! Well done! I am very much looking forward to reading about the training process and hoping to learn as you share. What a lovely mare!

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  15. She is very cute and you've done a nice job with her. I am curious about how easy it will be to sell her in this market, and who most of the interested shoppers will be. Based on the video alone she looks sane enough, as well as forward and willing. All positives. However, I think you said she is fairly short, she's pretty clearly not a full warmblood, and she seems a bit unconfirmed in some of her movements. Perhaps she is as confirmed as she will get, and you and your coach feel this is as far as she can really go.

    Based on the video, I think she looks like she would be a great horse for an AA looking to move up the levels and taste the FEI.

    Does she jump?

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    1. She was only 9 yrs old when this video was made (it is from 2010), so "not confirmed" was "not surprising" and "not reason to set up the jumps and go eventing" just yet.

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    2. I agree with the poster above. But I'm guessing you updated your sales video to sell your horse, because I don't see PSG here either... and why would anybody use old footage of a 3rd/4th level horse to sell one competing in the FEI.

      Please oh please say you didn't fall into the "unhelpful videos that poorly represent what the ad said" machine. Say it aint so, not when I thought you were a voice of reason.

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    3. Interesting observation - I don't want to discuss it too much more as it is kind of a spoiler.

      Let's just say, I wasn't trying to sell this horse all on my lonesome...

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  16. Ms. V is a really lovely horse, and you've done a fine job of training her. (Only comment about the helmet it that I hope one day--the sooner the better--people who think like your trainer will realize that wearing a helmet proves the rider has a brain and wants to keep it.)

    I'll be interested in reading more of the back story on this video's being a "sales video," too.

    And your riding? Nice job. You are a good, quiet rider. I agree with one of the posters above that Ms. V looks a lot taller than I expected, and, for some reason, I didn't think she was such a dark, beautiful bay. Just goes to show you how the pictures in your mind don't always mesh with reality.

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    1. My goodness, Jean, you are a "read for comprehension" kind of girl, aren't you.

      Yes, this was a video from 2010 - I had her for sale, but then decided to keep her for a while...

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  17. I've been reading here since your first post, laughing out loud, feeling validated by many of your no holds barred comments lol, so it's great to see the "real you"! and your really lovely horse. You have a terrific seat and fit her beautifully. Okay now on to the rest of the story (as it unfolds).

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  18. I have to say I would continue reading your blog with-out said video. I read it because you're funny and to the point. The fact that you have a super cute horse that you've successfully trained is just a bonus! BTW, LOVE the Saddlebred tail! hehe

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  19. Lovely!! and, even better, she has a touch of Arab. :) Looking forward to reading about your journey together.

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  20. Hey DC, out paths briefly crossed a few years ago. I wanted to see you riding, but never did - I always happened to be in a 'lower' ring. Looking at your video - I wish I had such quiet seat and legs! Looking forward to your story unfolding.

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    1. Hmm, interesting... did you meet Mr. Motard too?

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    2. I sent you a PM via EMG

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    3. Aha, now I know who you are! So you will be starring in the blog one day...!

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  21. Just watched the video and I'm so impressed!!! I think you are a beautiful rider on a beautiful horse :). Just came over to your blog - can't remember who I found your blog through, I think it was one of those "award" thing. REALLY enjoying it - you write with a wit not often found in dressage.....

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  22. Just noticed a funny choice of labels to some posts :D

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    1. And to you I say, earwax, alligator, toothbrush.

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  23. Hey DC, I hope it's only the end of the horse buying storyline, and not the end of your blog? I've really enjoyed reading the chronicles of your dressage adventures -- we actually share some geography, so I've been laughing out loud ever since I found your blog. Please continue!

    p.s. -- Lovely video -- your legs are rock solid girl!!

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  24. Lovely to see your video and I love your blog, you make me laugh

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  25. Don't stop now DC! I've been laughing so hard my ribs hurt on some of these "hard cold TRUTHS". As an amy who has started and trained 5 horses now to GP, I've eaten crap with the best of 'em.
    Hope you never want to show again, because my dear you are blackballed by every fracking judge, show secretary, trainer, and amy groupee out there for breaking the code of silence.....Hey I got blackballed just because my of my SO's comments- haven't seen a 65% in 5 years now LOL!
    And, yes, you can certainly ride AND train and you're not a fool either. Hats off!

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  26. Write and/or publish faster. I enjoy your blog, and I'm looking forward to the rest of the story

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    1. Sorry, I was out of town this week so only had time to check in quickly... I will get back at it I promise!

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