Tuesday 27 March 2012

Come one, come all. Get your blind porno dressage here!

Sure, I like writing my blog.

But I also really like looking at my Blog Stats.

I know I have already revealed to you that I can tell where my traffic is coming from, not exactly with great detail (don't worry, Dressage Curmudgeon is not watching YOU!), but I can see if suddenly a strange bulletin board directs traffic my way.  This is how I found out the picture of me, was not me, according to UDBB.  And how I know child haters like dressage.



I can also see that I make approximately $0.12 per day off of the advertisements that run on my blog, which is good to know just in case I get the urge to do something wild and crazy at work just to see what it takes to get fired.  It may be too soon to live off of the riches this mighty blog generates.  Oh, wait - come to think of it, I already know how to get fired anyways. So really not a great idea, no matter how you slice it.

(I have promised Mr. Motard I will buy him dinner if I ever reach the magical $100 payout point.  Let's just say he isn't saving his appetite for that big day).

But the thing I find most entertaining of all are the "Search Keywords".  These are the things that people have typed into google that have lead them to the Dressage Curmudgeon blog, due to the fact that I have at some time, made reference to whatever it is they are searching.

The good news is... the majority of people are actually looking for Dressage Curmudgeon blog. 

Crazy, eh?  Well, to you I say - welcome.

The bad news is... a close second place - at least one or two searches a day - goes to:

Freddie Mercury no moustache.

Uhh, To you I guess I say... welcome.  And sorry.  Nothing to see, move along.

Who on Earth are all of these people googling "Freddie Mercury no moustache".  And more importantly - WHY.  I suppose there is a percentage of them who, like me, want an entertaining picture to include in their blog.  But really, there must be other reasons that I can't (and probably don't want to) comprehend.

There are also many permutations of this... was Freddie Mercury gay (try searching... is sky blue - or maybe ...water, wet or not? - next), or gay bikers, or gay no moustache.

I have quite a few hits relating to Perry the platypus on a scooter.  Or other themes relating to platypuses.  (I wonder how many poorly executed  grade 4 school projects on "THE PLATYPUS" include a picture of a chestnut arab pony?)

Then there are those relating to topics that actually make some sense, however the person may or may not feel they have gained anything from stopping by.  Things like "club foot", or "saddlebred dressage" or "purple wintec" or "playboy grotto".

But the thing that compelled me to write this post today, was this one.  I swear I am not making this up.

Someone came to find the blog today by googling

"BLIND PORNO DRESSAGE".

(Try it.  I am the first hit!)

Ok, fess up.  Who searched this, and please do share..  WHY?  WHY? WHY?
Oh, and welcome!  Hope you enjoy the blog, you freak.

Funny thing is, I don't even remember writing about Blind Porno Dressage. But hey, it sounds like more fun than a 20 metre circle, anyways.

It is a FLY MASK you city slicker pervert!  Back off!




22 comments:

  1. I bet someone was looking for blind para dressage and got auto-corrected. Funny though.

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  2. Oh yah, Leah. Nice try on the cover up. It's ok, we aren't judging you and your wild blindfolded dressage activities. Much.

    ;-)

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  3. "(I wonder how many poorly executed grade 4 school projects on "THE PLATYPUS" include a picture of a chestnut arab pony?)" That is hilarious. :)

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  4. Congrats! You are now the first AND second hit when googling "blind porno dressage."

    Love your blog! I'm not an owner. I lease. Thank god.

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    Replies
    1. Yep, I had to try it, but both specifically cite this text. And then there's a link to UDBB as well.

      Autocorrect does make sense. But I believe instead of damn you, it's thank you autocorrect! Funny.

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    2. Doh! I wrecked the magic by making this post.

      Originally it went to the post where I said the vet check could find things you might not know if your horse was blind.

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    3. I mean... if YOU were blind. Just making my morning coffee now. Maybe I need a side of porno dressage to fully wake up.

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  5. This post is hilarious!

    Also, you are clearly more technologically savvy than me... I would love to know how to find this stuff out.

    ...I think.

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  6. I am going to have to look at my stats for my blog more closely... that is hilarious. I hope I have an awesome search term like that :)

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  7. How come I can never find cool stuff like this blog when I'm actually searching for cool stuff?

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  8. Well, gee, I must be doing something wrong because I have to yet to discover a single, shall we say, "interesting" search which led someone to my blog. I get normal ones for people looking up things like "Hickstead" (I wrote a post when he died) and "Little Hope Ranch." The latter might seem far-fetched but I assure it was a real place, where I spent a couple (koff) fun-filled weeks as a kid. How did you get so lucky, if it's not auto-correct's fault? ;-) Guess I have GOT to include some more fun words!
    (Here's a link to my humble scribblings, to save anyone having to input search words: http://www.mylifeasarider.blogspot.com)

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  9. Once again your post leaves me laughing so hard I'm crying.
    You influenced me to go check out my blog stats, & ot confirmed my theory that yes, nobody really does read my blog! Which honestly doesn't bother me... However, it also (thankfully) confirmed my other theory... no searches like 'blind porno dressage' have ever lead anybody to my blog! The most bizzare searches that led to my blog were 'dog granulation tissue' and 'belinda trussel Murdoch Mysteries'. If someone could explain that last one to me....

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    Replies
    1. Was it Belinda in the arena with a pitchfork....or perhaps in the tack room with a hoof pick/ I smell a board game here...

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    2. Clue, equestrian style. They already have horse monopoly, why not expand the board game franchise?

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  10. BTW - when you posted your video, Youtube came up with some interesting related videos... Like SEXXXY LEOTARDS IN OUR MAIL!

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    Replies
    1. Maybe there is a dominatrix out there somewhere named Ms. V?

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  11. I posted once (so naively) about receiving my new
    H o r s e P*rn, which is how I jokingly refer to Dressage Today, etc. Boy was that stupid.

    Another big traffic attracter was when I posted a picture of my horse laid flat out and cutting serious zzzz's, and labeled the photo d e a d h o r s e. That one really brought out the sickos.

    I'm wiser now, and lets just say checking my stats is no longer an ego boost. ;)

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  12. Appropos of Not The Subject Here: I have been feeling cranky, bitchy and twitchy, dealing with an overload of both horse, dog and $$ issues, when I suddenlyl realized, "I have not read DrCurmudg for weeks! EEks! now for a good and most needed laugh as I catch up with the new blogposts.

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  13. You're #1 for "sparkly barette pubes" also. Guess that post!

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  14. DC, You are the top 3!! on Google for that.. WOW... I am not a follower, I read your blog and check it every day!! I have gone back and read the older posts.. I am now a HUGE fan..
    Although I have a neurotic ASB X, so yeah.. saddlebred dressage!! We have gotten up to training level at schooling shows... so I suck.. I love english riding, and dressage, I just can't afford to show more than a few times a year.
    What I love about english for showing.. I can wear the same crap that has been around for 30 years.. YAH!! go super uber stupid anti fashions!
    well except swarski crystals on the brow bands and edges the stirrups! i ride in my vintage stubben that I got for just over a hundred dollars!!!

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  15. I can't remember how I came across your blog, but I've read the entire thing (thanks for that night of no sleep, BTW), and love it! I now check in every few days to see what's new.

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  16. This blog just gets better and better! If you ever stop blogging my husband and I will have nothing to read to each other before turning off the lights at night (we just love our porno dressage that much!)

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