Sunday 19 August 2012

hummala bebhuhla zeebuhla bop - Life goes on... without me

Meanwhile… back at the blog…
You may wonder – what ever became of Muddy View Acres? 
Well, the horse world is no different than any other ecosystem, or maybe the juice in the container in your fridge.  Over time, all of the different bits and pieces filter out and find their right niche.  No matter how you might mix up the silt and gravel or pulp and watery orange stuff, they always work to return to their proper place in the hierarchy over time.  People who expect blanketing and boots go to barns where you pay for blanketing and boots.  Or, they change their standards to match their pocketbooks.  Or, they hang around whining about the situation, until everyone is wishing they bought “pulp free”, or at least one of those containers with the built in stirring thing so you could try to flagellate them into…er, somewhere else.  Anywhere else. 
And MVA is in exactly this same situation – it has found it’s own sedimentary layer of boarders who don’t mind mud, nicks, cuts, burrs, absence of boots and blankets for turnout etc. etc. etc.  if it means they can actually afford to own their horse.  And there is nothing wrong with that.   Actually, I drive by it about 2x per week, and it appears to be thriving.  The owners were fairly ignorant when it came to caring for horses, true.  However it was as though construction was in their blood.  They have since built row upon row of beautiful outdoor shelters, contained within decent safe looking fences, round bale plunked in the centre…and they have become one of the “outdoor pasture board” havens of the region.
I would say there are probably 50 horses on the property, which makes me wonder what sort of horror show the arena is now, but it is probably not bad at all – In reality, I would guess that out of that 50, maybe 5 are owned by “serious” riders that do much beyond petting, grooming and hitting a trail now and then.  The rest are likely just people who love their horses.
They also don’t seem to have a website, or a lot of advertising – so I am assuming they are full or not hurting for business, anyways.  
Also I did want to clarify – please do not think that I am implying that MVA had an exceptionally exceptional batch of railbirds.  No, not at all.  I would say every barn with more than 10 boarders – some with more than 5 – have at least one or two people who you just would love to silence with duct tape. 
(I have of course been fortunate enough to run into one of MVA’s new generation of hot railbirds at a dinner party a while back, and listening to her talk, one would assume it has transformed into some sort of breeding ground for future World Cup riders.  Mr. Motard was intrigued – wow, MVA has come a long way since you were there, Curmudgeon!  Me, uh...not so much.  Luckily, the red wine was plentiful and not from Ontario, and by using it as an invaluable tool I was able to more or less dull the pain of listening to her voice).
And, it is not just the equestrian world either.  For example - for some reason (*cough*Mr. Motard*cough*) I attended a radio controlled airplane show a few weekends ago (Yes.  Really.) and paid $5.00 to bake in an open airfield while watching grown men play with their $2000 toys.  (How stupid is this, says the woman with the $100,000 pet).   I eventually ended up behind some big sweaty radio controlled airplane enthusiasts in the food line.  I recognized one of them as the owner of one of the fastest, fanciest jet planes in the show
(I don’t know a single thing about the radio controlled airplane circuit, but he was from the U.S as were several other exhibitors, so I am assuming this was a fairly decent show - but based on the venue, no World Cup.  Maybe like a Palgrave Gold show).
The line was hot and freakishly slow, and so I got to hear more about the politics of radio controlled airplanes than I ever wanted to hear as the two of them gossiped.  Well, come to think of it, I never wanted to hear anything on this topic, so it was really an overload.  (What would have been really interesting to know is why the big sweaty dude felt he needed 2 hotdogs plus fries and a soft drink, but that is just the nutritionist in me being horrified by mankind and expecting that there is some sort of reasonable explanation.  There never is).
The point of my story is… you could have taken out key words like “Yak 54” or “ARF” and replaced with “Dutch Warmblood” and “Schoolmaster” and you would have thought you were at a dressage show.  The same gossip themes abound everywhere

“Oh, yah.  That Joe is quite a piece of work.  He fixes up crappy ARFs people have given up on, then expects premium price after he puts in a little time.  I am on to his game”
(Translation – he buys poorly started horses and flips them)
“Sure, sure, the Yak 54 he bought is a nice plane, I am not arguing with you on that. But the bottom  line is.. he still is going to have to know how to fly it or it is garbage”. 

Sit back!  Sit back!  

(Translation – she may have imported a nice schoolmaster, but she still sucks as a rider).  

Yep, the toys may change, but the human operators don't.  We just have different stretchy pant uniforms.  

Which reminds me… it is time to start talking about how my lessons with Coach Ritenau were coming along, isn’t it.


  1. The image of the crash-and-burn plane with the caption "Sit back! Sit back!" made me laugh! Love it!

  2. Car shows are very similar as well. It's like watching a line class and hearing all the spectators trash the owners on everything possible. Not all of them, however. Is it just me, or are the most insecure riders the judgiest? I swear people go to shows just to trash other people.

  3. Sit back sit back! LOL LOVE IT

  4. Your ability with the English language, aided and abetted by your extremely sharp wit and humor, makes me really wish you could spend your time observing the world and writing posts (or salable books, you need to make a living after all).

    I laugh my ass off most posts =)

    PS~ word verify FOCSUA !!

  5. I, too, am extremely fond of your apt observations about our fellow humans. I agree with Bif and think you have missed your calling as a non-fiction writer!

    My sole contact with the high-end model airplane world is my cousin, who lives in TX, fixes real planes for a living (he's a mechanic for American), and builds/flies the other kind for a hobby. He is also unmarried and lives with cats (read: he has no life). A chacun son gout!

  6. I got my husband a "build it yourself" shiny silver "happy birthday" type blimp kit he could fly around the inside of the house (causing the dogs to go ape$h*t).. it is still sitting in the box.
    What I know about flying AC controlled planes comes from house/horse/cat sitting for a retired orthodontist and his wife who over feeds her horses, her dog and *cough*... the other humans in the home. They have a mini mansion, you know the three or four story behemoths that normally sit next to a golf course or squat in the middle of 20 acres of mowed lawn.
    Theirs is dedicated to his "man cave", her ceramics (with 2!! kilns) her quilting machine that has its own bedroom, and their 11 cats, plus one dog.
    The horses have their own barn, with expensive stalls, 3 medium sized turn out pastures they get to romp in for 4 hours a day, the fat 2 wear grazing muzzles. He has a 40-80 or 40-100 foot shop dedicated to fixing cars and storing his van, her car, her truck or their horse trailer. Their basement has a vintage/antique electronics "ware house", his "man cave", her kilns, and his repair/modifying shop for his A/C aircraft... I put his "man cave" in quotes because although it has a big t.v., leather couch, and pool table. what isn't dedicated to the cats is covered in A/C aircraft. There are big ones, little ones, wings, cockpits, "jets" and recognizable types and some I have no clue.
    They make several trips a year to go to big competitions and events, and to go to FL to go see the grand kids.
    So picking my way through the lower section of the house, picking up vomit and cat accidents on white or light tan carpeting, on my way to the "basement" to clean cat litter boxes and scare the crap out of the more feral of the cats. I see magazines and dvd's dedicated to his planes. I wipe away the cat fur and dodge big molds to check water and food down there.
    I am out there 3-4 times a day to FEED the pride of cats, herdlette of horses, and to let the dog out. I stay overnight and have to be careful NOT to put anything ON the ground or one cat WILL pee on it. I then clean up cat crumbs and dried pee on the granite counter tops and feed the cats their morning breakies...
    but hey, when you have a gazzillion dollars, you can afford the likes of me to feed your critters and ensure no one steals your planes, while you are out goo gooing the grandkids while dive bombing the competition!

    Oh and SHAME on you!! we missed you.. and it wasn't due to windage and muzzle climb!

  7. Non-fic? yeah right! The money is in figuring out how to take your trip from start to finish and color with little tiny additions... Like I dunno vampires or teenagers making adult decisions about love and long term comittment.

    Even better you could find a way to make a romance story with abs and maybe a pirate in there somehwere while you are learning to sit the trot?

    The money is apparently in either of those two options.


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