Saturday, 11 February 2012

Everybody loves a Winner. You could be a winner too. If you weren't such a sucka.

Well I can see I hit a bit of a nerve with Morgan lovers out there.  I am not saying all Morgans suck.  I am saying that the ones I looked at did.

I do agree that not all warmbloods make it to FEI levels of dressage, just like not all Morgans do. I would argue that rider ability might just have something to do with this, for both Warmbloods and Morgans.  I would also argue that anyone who thinks your odds of getting to FEI levels are even remotely as good riding the average Morgan versus the average Warmblood is a delusional crack smoker.  (See "yummy sweet lemon" post from days gone by)

However, regardless of the breed, the point is... wasn't picking one that had FAIL stamped on its head to start with.  It wasn't a breed thing.

Horse shopping is like shopping at Winners (do you have Winners in the states?  No?  Can someone provide a similar store for reference?).  I have friends that LOVE Winners, only shop there, and find beautiful things every time they go.

After many visits and many hours rummaging through racks of messy crammed together shit, I have yet to find anything that isn't either ugly, priced ridiculously (WAS $300! (WTF - where?) YOU PAY $250! (no, I don't!)), and only available in size 0 or 18 or the colour puce.

It is all in the timing, and I don't seem to have it when it comes to designer clothes at low LOW prices.  Or beautiful, athletic, FEI bound Morgans.  Apparently.

Now there's one thing that I am sure we can all agree does suck more than Morgans... and that would be selling horses.

I know, I have been relentlessly mocking horse sellers for the last few posts.  While I was complaining to anyone who would listen about the crooked legged roach backed horses I was seeing, no doubt some parent somewhere was at Starbucks complaining to her friends about the balky little asshole pony that their daughter Suzie tried out last Wednesday.


I think there is really only one other situation in life that sucks as much as waiting for your horse to sell.  That would be looking for a job when you are unemployed.  Or maybe looking for a husband when you are 35 and desperately want kids before your ovaries shrivel up and die.  I am not 35 or in the market for a husband or kids so I can't totally vouch for this one, but I would imagine it is in the same ballpark. (winding up with kids would, in fact, suck more than selling an unemployed 35 year old horse or any combination of the above mentioned in my books.  But that's just me).

No matter what you do - keep everything neat, clean, trimmed and good smelling, try to be charming and interesting - you really have very little control over the situation.  And a multitude of things can derail the process that actually have nothing logical or sane at all to do with you, your horse, or whatever.  Colour, gender, number of socks.. you name it.

Price is of course one of these things that can derail the deal and actually makes sense, and here lies the most difficult part of sending your horse to a sales barn to be sold, as I did. Especially when you have a cheapy cheap hunter pony like the Platypus, and you are anxious to move the little bugger, and each month of board eats considerably into any money you may actually wind up with in your pocket at the end of the deal (note I did not say "any money you may make".  Because you are not going to make any money.  No, seriously.  Dream on).

I would like to offer 3 suggestions to ease the process of selling your cheapy cheap hunter pony via a local sales barn.

1.  Be sure the price of the pony is advertised somewhere/anywhere/everywhere on the internet, so everyone involved is on the same page re: price of said pony

2.  Be sure the price of the pony is advertised somewhere/anywhere/everywhere on the internet, so everyone involved is on the same page re: price of said pony

3.  Be sure the price of the pony is advertised somewhere/anywhere/everywhere on the internet, so everyone involved is on the same page re: price of said pony

Now - don't get me wrong.  The problem won't be that the sales barn is trying to sell your cheapy cheap hunter pony *too* cheaply.  Not at all. 

On the contrary, let me present to you a totally hypothetical situation, that just might occur IF you DON'T  advertise somewhere / anywhere / everywhere on the internet, so everyone involved is on the same page re: price of said pony ...

They pony may mysteriously not sell.  At all.

Which seems so strange to you, really.  He is no Popeye K, but he is entirely sound, relatively sane and suitable for the job, has a show record, and based on the other stuff out there - surely worth the $5000 you have said you want out of the deal, as well as the 15% the coach has asked for too.

But - the reports you get back from the seller is that all of the kids are too small, or too fat, or too young, or too old... or..or..or..or.  But don't worry!  No, no, never fear!! he will sell soon. 

So, you just keep on paying board, vet, blacksmith, trailering, show fees for the coach's students to show the pony at local shows, where he does well, wins ribbons - yet... STILL.. no buyers.  Weird.  Really weird.  Especially with all of the connections the coach has. I mean, that is the reason you decided not to go it alone in the first place... to SAVE time and money.  And it just isn't happening.  Huh. 

Until you catch wind - maybe true, maybe not - that a pony sounding strangely familiar, presented by the same coach, is up for sale for a low five figure price.  Interesting.  What are the chances that she would have TWO ponies, so eerily similar to each other, yet one worth twice as much as the other?  That is the only explanation.  Right?

Only one way to find out, really. 

Call the coach up and say "sorry, but the well has run dry. Yep, I am coming to pick up cheapy cheap pony at the end of the month".  Thank her for her efforts, yes, it is a tough market, I know, I know.  Maybe he would sell better after the Royal, when all the ponies start moving, yes, good point.  But - time is up, my friend. 

Oh, by the way, I know you are busy, busy, busy.  How about I go ahead and post some ads on the internet FOR you.  Yes, I know you have been meaning to do it, and how hard it is to find the time to do things on the internet these days - especially with dial-up, you poor thing!  Always go-go-GO!  I feel for you.  Well, let's see.. $5000 + 15% is what we agreed I am assuming you have been asking around $6000 - $6500 for him... right? 

Let me post that ad for you.  No, it is no problem.  No, seriously, I will do it right now.  Yes I will.  YES.  Good-bye!  La-la-la...

Then - something magical happens.  The perfect buyer walks through the door - that week!  Can you imagine.  Thank goodness you didn't leave sooner!  You just almost missed this bus.  Whew! 

So there you have it...whether shopping for Morgans, designer clothes at low-LOW prices, or selling ponies ... timing is everything, isn't it. 

Oh, by the way... now that my entirely hypothetical story is over... did I mention the Platypus finally sold?

I am outta here, stupid dressage woman.

And it is a good thing too.  Because I had my two front runners chosen - I was ready to buy a horse. 


  1. American version of winners is TJMaxx.

    I like your analogy. I love Winners and TJMaxx and have always found fabulous deals... And that has translated into horses for me too.

    Good luck!

  2. Great equestrian blog - why not come and post it over at for more to follow? Be great to have you there!

  3. I've never sold a horse but I know people who have and I've seen similar things happen. I've also seen horses come back from a "sales" barn in dreadful condition.

    Sure, the odds are, that being with a trainer who specializes in selling the kind of horse you have for sale is a benefit, with the Internet today, there's a really good chance you could sell the horse yourself without all the added expense.

    I am looking forward to the next chapter of this story.

  4. Good story! I have never sold a horse and I'm not sure I could; it sounds worse than buying.

    PS -- sorry for the *&%&^$ in my last comment (that you wisely removed). I have an internet stalker or two who like to post snide comments in response to mine. All I was trying to say is that *the right Morgan* could do the job but it's not easy to find the right one... And let's face it, there are just so few Morgans suitable for sport out there, compared to WBs.

    1. That is strange - I haven't removed anyone's comments. Sorry if yours was deleted somehow??

      People are welcome to come on here and disagree with me, I don't mind.

    2. Ok, well somewhere out there in the internet void there's a very pissed off comment from me... huh.

  5. Haha! I love Winners! I also went up the levels on a downhill mutt-bred QH.. your theory obviously holds true!